It isn’t gonna matter someday.

Are you one among those who blame yourself for everything that happens?

Of course , you might do stupid and horrible things ,in a sudden impulse, but have you felt you take up blame for more than you are actually responsible for?

Often the repercussions of what we do affect us after a long period, and the slower it occurs ,the deeper it touches.

You kind of feel ashamed and guilty all the while. You shut yourself up, even when you try not to, your subconscious drives you into something that keep those you love,at a distance.

With time, you actually lose quite a few valuable relations with your strange quirks. The apathy that slowly crawls upon ,makes it impossible to calculate the level of destruction you are doing to yourself and your loved ones.

And finally, one day you burn out. You end up alone, just like you feared. You will have everybody you need just beside you, but all of them might have found comfortable places outside the core circle. They wouldnt want to put up with that face of yours again. Even when you know, you have changed, you have survived the storm and stabilised yourself, you have won over your fears, there is no way to convince them. This world never forgives, no matter how much you do. They say they do, but they don’t.

But there is another side of this coin. You have survived what others haven’t. You have faced life in one of its scariest forms. When life went crazy, gave you meaningless , disarrayed path , you stood up and walked through. So what if you fell in some puddles and made yourself dirty? So what if you fell on others and hurt them? You did the best you could have done. Of course , when you think about it now, there might be a hundred sensible “right” ways you could have done it, but that was a different space-time plane! You were inside the maze. How are you to get an overview?
You have wronged people, but people have hurt you too. You acted weird ,but life had been weird to you. At the end, the true relations are gonna find its way back and stay. At the end , all that matters would be that you survived. At the end, it’s just gonna feel worth this.

Dont be harsh on youself.

You are the only one who knows why you are the way you are. if you can’t forgive, how will the world?

So breathe.

Live.

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Footprints

When someone leaves your life,
Even though you know life will never be the same
You think you will be fine.
You hope, that with time, the wound will heal.
Oh yes, it will.
But the void?
The blank space their absence creates,
Will that ever be filled by itself?
Or by someone else?
No.
The footprints they left
In every aspect of your life,
Does that fade?
No.
Decades may pass,
But it is still going to hurt.
For it may have changed you,
Life may have turned inside out,
But you are still going to miss the life you never had
You are still going to wonder how things would have been ,had they stayed.
And you live
The way you can
With regrets,
Going through a sorry and guilty phase
Every now and then,
For there was no warning
They just left.
Life is short
Too short for egoistic dramas.
Too short to adorn pride.
Too short to be busy with life.
Talk. Stay. Smile. Live

.

Stepping down

I am stepping down,

For the colours in my palette doesn’t go with the painting of theirs.

For the doors open for me, aren’t in the visual field of theirs.

For my passion doesn’t fit in the jigsaw puzzle of theirs.

For my spherical body doesn’t fit in the rectangular mould of theirs.

I am stepping down,

For i can’t breathe
Inside the armour that doesn’t belong to me.

For i cant breathe

Inside the water ,for i wasnt chosen to swim but fly

For i chose my love for them over myself
But alas! They can’t breathe for me.

I am stepping down

before these dreams of mine drown me down

Before this soul of mine curse me down

For i’d rather step down for me

Than live dead for them.

Marriage? Or settlement?

I wonder why people call marriage a settlement?

Why do you have to settle after marriage?

Aysha (r) grew from a simple woman to a great poet, scholar and a role model for us after her marriage with prophet Muhammed(s).Yes. She grew up as a person!

Why does the society insist on portraying marriage “the end” of one’s amazing free life?

Why do they expect people to fall into a life of adynamic routine after marriage?

The very thought of a typical housewife in Kerala freaks me out. She wakes up with the sun , cooks, cleans , make us all ready for our daily routine, cooks again and again,prays and its all late night by then. What about the purpose of life? What about discovering oneself? No wonder she tries different recipes , finds happiness in gossips and shopping. A fresh breeze would be ,beyond doubt,wonderful.

It’s not different for a “family” man. He has a different routine but it also consists of the same things to do everyday.

Isnt it pathetic that we are often ignorant and indifferent to them when they try to put up a conversation with us while we are busy with very unnecessary trifles.

Is marriage, children or rather having a family , the expiration of one’s thirst to develop himself? The end to one’s desire to enjoy and relish every day of life?

Every young human would have had incredible views about life. Everybody lives a special life! Why do they have to give it up? Family is supposed to add and not take away,  glitter to the journey!

Marriage should be a gift. A partner should be someone who enables us. Who helps us live our dreams. Who keeps the fire in us in ignition. And you must be ready to do that too. One mistake everybody does is that they expect the person they marry to not change. Indians always freak out when their partners changes their likes, hobbies and opinions. We grow every day. How can you expect a person to be static just because they met you?

There is something about keralites. When they see old men and women tripping, experimenting stuff, basically trying to enjoy theirselves. They loathe them. Laugh at them.I have observed part of it to arise from envy. The rest I haven’t understood yet.

If you ask me one reason why human race is far behind it’s development than it must be , I would point out this prejudice of society.

As sir Paulo Coelho said, Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.

Well, people are people.

We cannot do anything about that other than to care less.

Anyway, if you are planning of “settling” down or finding a partner,

 make sure you won’t stunt yourself. Don’t give up your adventurous life, in fact, take them along to find the treasure!

And enjoy the life they live.Dream together.Be definite that you will enable the person you meet to blossom into a great and significant person of the world.

Symmetry of life.

Have you ever felt life is unfair?

That life isn’t doing justice to you or people you care for?

Have you thought of how that can happen given that the whole universe is symmetrical?

What if everybody is designated with an equal share of happiness, melancholy, excitement, heartache, anger and the vivid emotions and feelings one can go through?

What if counting from the day one of your life ,you are provided with a part of it everyday?

What if all the difference lies in the timings and size of the chunk you receive?

I would say life is comparable to a sine wave. With ups and downs. The area under the curve remains the same for all. Amplitude and frequency differs.

So ,when you are hit by luck in life, it is not mere chance. That was for the little descents you had in the past.

And when life turns tragic suddenly, it will make up with plenty of small ascents.

And one have to admit, the levels of happiness you have ever experienced , the depth of emotions, the composure you gain, all of them would not have happened, if life went easy on you.

When one survives a Tsunami inside oneself, there is this “breaking free” kind of feeling you get , the discovery of a better and a stronger soul , the never ending merry that follows which shouts out- ” it was all worth it”.

So the next time you see somebody behaving weird , living life in a way you do not understand, maybe it’s just that you are not there yet. No matter how close he or she is to you, they might not find an explaination necessary. 

And the next time you feel your dear ones don’t get your perspective or don’t understand your normalcy, be patient. They are just not there yet.

Life is all about how you choose anything that happens to you to affect you. It is about finding the symmetry of your life.

Loneliness

Loneliness affects you the way you want.

It can make you a stronger being or it can kill you.

There are two causes of loneliness.

One is when you are left alone. The fact is, everybody is alone. All relationships we brag about may seem mythical at a point of time. “I am alone” is often a reflex thought that come to you when you are in trouble and nobody is in sight. But that is how life is. As hours pass by, somebody will reach out to you with a helping hand. Sometimes you may have to fight by yourself. But then, god will give you the strength to stay put.

Two is when you choose to be lonely.

Sometimes, it calms you down. You get to spend some quality time with yourself! You get a chance to sit and think clearly about things happening around, things happening to you, you introspect, and finally feel composure.

Sometimes, it is to escape from the world. That again has two sides.

One: You lose interest or trust in the people around you. Somebody you believed you’d have with you during distress dint turn up. Back then you might not have cared but now it nags you.

Two: You lose trust in your ability to stay calm and positive. You fear everything you do would affect somebody you love the wrong way.

First scenario can be resolved. All you need would be a cup of tea with your friends and it might turn fine all over again.

Second scenario is a bit dangerous,i would say. Just like how a famished lion would respond to a piece of meat thrown to it, you tend to burst out at everybody because you hate the person you possess in you. And as it turns out, this is a vicious cycle. Your belief of worthlessness deepens.

Whatever may be the case, there is one way out.

In the first case, question yourself.

Question yourself if a teeny-weeny amount of ego is obstructing your view.

Question yourself if you are being selfish.

Question yourself if you are overseeing their stressful life.

Then, push yourself.

Push yourself to initiate a talk.

Push yourself to forget and smile.

Push yourself to open up without waiting for them to ask.

In the second case, question yourself.

Question yourself if you haven’t made your friends happy before.

Question yourself if you haven’t helped your friend before.

Question yourself if you are being ungrateful to god by not believing in your soul.

Then, push yourself.

Push yourself to let it go and smile.

Push yourself to ask for help.

Push yourself to trust yourself.

Thoda hatke

Some out of the box new year resolutions you can take…
#Keep a piggy bank and every night, drop a coin each in it for every lie you said,for every wrong you did .
#Buy a notepad and every morning ,write a task which you usually don’t do in it (eg. Make mom happy, water the plants, cook for your sister , no lies today etc .)and do that before dusk.
#Take a calender and tag a name of your aquainatance for every day..make sure you spend sometime for that person on that day…30 days…and you’ll have 30 relations getting stronger!
#Pick a notebook and jot down some random wishes for your life, may it be practical or not, small or big…and start working on it one by one…you may not fulfill most of them..but you will have a reason to wake up with a lot of energy every morning.
#Make an annual goal ( become polite, become calm, become patient, become responsible, have a good sleep-wake cycle etc)
#Chart a diet sheet with the help of some experts….choose some exercises you need to do…and try to work out…!! You never know, next year might see a healthier you…!!
#Whenever you gift someone this year, make sure you add something by yourself in it, may it be a self prepared greeting card…
#Creat an ego chart in a secret notebook and plot your ego level everyday and yes…put aside your ego at that time to be reaaallly honest…!!
#Learn a new skill( skating, swimming, some sport, etc)
Think for more hatke things you can do…and fill your year with colours…

SA