Marriage? Or settlement?

I wonder why people call marriage a settlement?

Why do you have to settle after marriage?

Aysha (r) grew from a simple woman to a great poet, scholar and a role model for us after her marriage with prophet Muhammed(s).Yes. She grew up as a person!

Why does the society insist on portraying marriage “the end” of one’s amazing free life?

Why do they expect people to fall into a life of adynamic routine after marriage?

The very thought of a typical housewife in Kerala freaks me out. She wakes up with the sun , cooks, cleans , make us all ready for our daily routine, cooks again and again,prays and its all late night by then. What about the purpose of life? What about discovering oneself? No wonder she tries different recipes , finds happiness in gossips and shopping. A fresh breeze would be ,beyond doubt,wonderful.

It’s not different for a “family” man. He has a different routine but it also consists of the same things to do everyday.

Isnt it pathetic that we are often ignorant and indifferent to them when they try to put up a conversation with us while we are busy with very unnecessary trifles.

Is marriage, children or rather having a family , the expiration of one’s thirst to develop himself? The end to one’s desire to enjoy and relish every day of life?

Every young human would have had incredible views about life. Everybody lives a special life! Why do they have to give it up? Family is supposed to add and not take away,  glitter to the journey!

Marriage should be a gift. A partner should be someone who enables us. Who helps us live our dreams. Who keeps the fire in us in ignition. And you must be ready to do that too. One mistake everybody does is that they expect the person they marry to not change. Indians always freak out when their partners changes their likes, hobbies and opinions. We grow every day. How can you expect a person to be static just because they met you?

There is something about keralites. When they see old men and women tripping, experimenting stuff, basically trying to enjoy theirselves. They loathe them. Laugh at them.I have observed part of it to arise from envy. The rest I haven’t understood yet.

If you ask me one reason why human race is far behind it’s development than it must be , I would point out this prejudice of society.

As sir Paulo Coelho said, Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.

Well, people are people.

We cannot do anything about that other than to care less.

Anyway, if you are planning of “settling” down or finding a partner,

 make sure you won’t stunt yourself. Don’t give up your adventurous life, in fact, take them along to find the treasure!

And enjoy the life they live.Dream together.Be definite that you will enable the person you meet to blossom into a great and significant person of the world.

Symmetry of life.

Have you ever felt life is unfair?

That life isn’t doing justice to you or people you care for?

Have you thought of how that can happen given that the whole universe is symmetrical?

What if everybody is designated with an equal share of happiness, melancholy, excitement, heartache, anger and the vivid emotions and feelings one can go through?

What if counting from the day one of your life ,you are provided with a part of it everyday?

What if all the difference lies in the timings and size of the chunk you receive?

I would say life is comparable to a sine wave. With ups and downs. The area under the curve remains the same for all. Amplitude and frequency differs.

So ,when you are hit by luck in life, it is not mere chance. That was for the little descents you had in the past.

And when life turns tragic suddenly, it will make up with plenty of small ascents.

And one have to admit, the levels of happiness you have ever experienced , the depth of emotions, the composure you gain, all of them would not have happened, if life went easy on you.

When one survives a Tsunami inside oneself, there is this “breaking free” kind of feeling you get , the discovery of a better and a stronger soul , the never ending merry that follows which shouts out- ” it was all worth it”.

So the next time you see somebody behaving weird , living life in a way you do not understand, maybe it’s just that you are not there yet. No matter how close he or she is to you, they might not find an explaination necessary. 

And the next time you feel your dear ones don’t get your perspective or don’t understand your normalcy, be patient. They are just not there yet.

Life is all about how you choose anything that happens to you to affect you. It is about finding the symmetry of your life.

Never lie…to yourself.

Not often do we encounter incidents that totally change our lives…

But every now and then, tiny subtle changes kiss our lives 

Well..life brings up a lot of cute, memorable, even miraculous colours of happiness.
Sometimes , destiny shows up dark and scary, some times, we stumble on to people who are not really positive for us, some other times , your mind takes everything the wrong way.

The point is, everybody goes through such an episode in life, where they dont get anybody to blame for what happens to their lives.

Circumstances! People call it. You find yourself sad. But there is nobody to point fingers at. It is just life.

This is when we start lying to ourselves. We decide that we are happy, we decide that we do not have any problems, we decide that our dears and nears should not feel bad on seeing us glum.

But somewhere between deciding and behaving, we start believing in it.

We start lying to ourselves. When our mind knocks at our door, and yells that it needs attention, you ignore it with a warm smile and tell yourself that you are happy.

Well..in a sense ,such an attitude is good. A hell lot of problems we lament about would solve on itself if we just let it be or let it go. But there is a world of difference between letting go and lying it never came.

You need to know that as much as your dear ones deserve to see you happy, you deserve to BE happy.

Admit to yourself that you are going through a difficult or at least an unfamiliar phase of life, and tell yourself that you shall be strong and get through it.

If you bury it all without addressing it yourself, you will reach that state where you really don’t hear when your mind knocks. A state where you lose the track of the inner voice in you. A state where you do not anymore, understand what you want or what you feel. And as your pretty obsessive brain fills in every details it doesn’t know with its own logic and imagination , you start considering yourself as somebody who you really ain’t. 

You don’t find or recognise the person inside you. And that leads to a state of hypophrenia. When you don’t know why you are sad. But just that you ain’t happy.

And since you are living the life of somebody you don’t know..you won’t like yourself. And everything you do gifts you nothing but regrets.

You won’t be able to open up or admit that you are sad, because you are that muddled inside.

Don’t let yourself fall into this.

Everybody needs a therapist. But you, your true self , is the best therapist you can ever have. Don’t wait for anyone. Anybody other than you will lead to habits, and dependence, which you do not want.

Let your near ones know that you are sad. Just like you let them know when you are elated. It’s okay. It does not show you are weak. You are being brave by admitting your feelings.

And then , a beautiful perspective of life shall dawn on you. You will love life the way it is. You will accept people and yourself the way they are. You will learn to smile amidst all the storm. Just let yourself be aware what happens with you. Don’t put yourself in darkness. You need to know you are sad and that you choose to be happy for the loved ones.

If this does make some sense to you, then you need to think. Think if something is wrong in the way you live. Are you facing or avoiding your life?

 If this looks like nonsense, congratulations, you are living your life well.

So smile. Not only to the world outside but also to the world in you.

Good luck.

Loneliness

Loneliness affects you the way you want.

It can make you a stronger being or it can kill you.

There are two causes of loneliness.

One is when you are left alone. The fact is, everybody is alone. All relationships we brag about may seem mythical at a point of time. “I am alone” is often a reflex thought that come to you when you are in trouble and nobody is in sight. But that is how life is. As hours pass by, somebody will reach out to you with a helping hand. Sometimes you may have to fight by yourself. But then, god will give you the strength to stay put.

Two is when you choose to be lonely.

Sometimes, it calms you down. You get to spend some quality time with yourself! You get a chance to sit and think clearly about things happening around, things happening to you, you introspect, and finally feel composure.

Sometimes, it is to escape from the world. That again has two sides.

One: You lose interest or trust in the people around you. Somebody you believed you’d have with you during distress dint turn up. Back then you might not have cared but now it nags you.

Two: You lose trust in your ability to stay calm and positive. You fear everything you do would affect somebody you love the wrong way.

First scenario can be resolved. All you need would be a cup of tea with your friends and it might turn fine all over again.

Second scenario is a bit dangerous,i would say. Just like how a famished lion would respond to a piece of meat thrown to it, you tend to burst out at everybody because you hate the person you possess in you. And as it turns out, this is a vicious cycle. Your belief of worthlessness deepens.

Whatever may be the case, there is one way out.

In the first case, question yourself.

Question yourself if a teeny-weeny amount of ego is obstructing your view.

Question yourself if you are being selfish.

Question yourself if you are overseeing their stressful life.

Then, push yourself.

Push yourself to initiate a talk.

Push yourself to forget and smile.

Push yourself to open up without waiting for them to ask.

In the second case, question yourself.

Question yourself if you haven’t made your friends happy before.

Question yourself if you haven’t helped your friend before.

Question yourself if you being ungrateful to god by not believing in your soul.

Then, push yourself.

Push yourself to let it go and smile.

Push yourself to ask for help.

Push yourself to trust yourself. 

Thoda hatke

Some out of the box new year resolutions you can take…
#Keep a piggy bank and every night, drop a coin each in it for every lie you said,for every wrong you did .
#Buy a notepad and every morning ,write a task which you usually don’t do in it (eg. Make mom happy, water the plants, cook for your sister , no lies today etc .)and do that before dusk.
#Take a calender and tag a name of your aquainatance for every day..make sure you spend sometime for that person on that day…30 days…and you’ll have 30 relations getting stronger!
#Pick a notebook and jot down some random wishes for your life, may it be practical or not, small or big…and start working on it one by one…you may not fulfill most of them..but you will have a reason to wake up with a lot of energy every morning.
#Make an annual goal ( become polite, become calm, become patient, become responsible, have a good sleep-wake cycle etc)
#Chart a diet sheet with the help of some experts….choose some exercises you need to do…and try to work out…!! You never know, next year might see a healthier you…!!
#Whenever you gift someone this year, make sure you add something by yourself in it, may it be a self prepared greeting card…
#Creat an ego chart in a secret notebook and plot your ego level everyday and yes…put aside your ego at that time to be reaaallly honest…!!
#Learn a new skill( skating, swimming, some sport, etc)
Think for more hatke things you can do…and fill your year with colours…

SA

New year

New year??
Or just another year?
It’s all about how you choose to see it…
With no resolutions taken…no wishes made….it is just another day for me…
I seriously didn’t wanna fall into the “I ll change next year” thing…the day I wish to change will be my new year…
Still….every jan 1 asks you to do a reality check …of what you are…and what you were….changes…. a loot if things changed in a year…your last year might have presented you with new friends…new adventures…new fights…puzzles…broken relations…depressing days…well..that is what life is all about…unnoticeable slow and steady changes that amount to a huge difference in a year…

But what have you learnt last year?

Did you make a difference in somebody else’ life.?..did you help someone when they didn’t expect it..? Did you do something for nature? Something for your self? What did you do to bring a smile on somebody’s face..? What did you sacrifice for the sake of your dear ones? What did you do from your heart?did you live your life last year? Or did it just pass away with the flow…?

As it is said…everything happens for good…and what has happened cannot be changed…
but this year….make sure you just don’t live it….but you also make it alive…make sure you just don’t live for yourself, but also for others…make sure you just don’t change things..but also  make a difference…
Respond sweetly when situations ask you to explode..
Stop by someone who is sick…
buy a hungry stranger a meal…
fetch some water for manual labourers working in the scorching sun..
give tips to street vendors…
plant a tree..
Take care of an animal…
do some baby sitting…
clean your workarea….
Rescycle something…
help a man on wages with his work… teach someone for free…
visit a new place…
build up new thoughts…
Make a new habit…
dump a bad habit…
reconcile with your foes…
Say sorry to someone you owe it…
Gift some time to someone when they need it and not when you have it…
smile to someone you walk by…
surprise someone you love…
Let this year bring you not only happiness,  but a lot of satisfaction,positivity, relief and wisdom…
Happy new year….

SA

A dinner talk

“You must be very careful while dealing with the world.”
Dad continued his daily dinner talk ,today the topic being strangers.
“Dad, Why did God make bad people powerful?” The 12 year old daughter ,who had just finished her dinner and was reading the newspaper as her english teacher had assigned to, asked.
“Bad people ain’t powerful, honey! Evil is the choice of the mentally weak. We lie when we ain’t strong enough to say the truth.” Mom tried to correct the kid.

But she was kinda stern with her opinion. ” No mom!!”
Dad smiled. Winking at his love,he asked his princess.
“Why do you feel so, dear?”
“See dad, this guy got into the guinness book, she launched a charity home, they cleaned the city but are shown in these small columns inside. And these people threw bombs, This guy gossips about someone else, he kills his mother, they rob the country and gets their photos on the very first page.That is because they are powerful and important.ain’t it dad?”
Looking at the widened eyes of her mom, she frowned.
“These buses gave their days earnings for the treatment of a poor child but still could only make it to the tiny box over here.”
There was a weird silent pause.
Proud of seeing his daughter grow up, dad answered.
“Oh dear! We do appreciate the good. We don’t need a big column to understand how noble they are. But harmful people are to be noted, traced and punished. We need to discuss about it to make everyone aware about the threats. That is the dynamics of newspapers.”
“But dad,you said this morning that terrorists needed attention and that’s why killed so many innocent people. So,  wont they stop doing that if we don’t give much attention? Or atleast we should take it seriously even when one person get killed so that they don’t need to do big attacks.!!”
“Well…I just remembered I have to do an important call.”Dad took out his ultimate armour,his phone.
“As always” she sighed.
Dad left out a deep breath.”baby, I don’t wanna lie. I have been living here for all these years and yet I couldn’t understand how all this works. All I know is that every time, there are a handful of selfish people wih hundreds of wicked plans, to attain wealth, power, fame or to quench the thirst of their ego and there are myriads of people have their lives and emotions played with. All we can do is to do good and hope for good. Grow up without losing your kindness and humanity, don’t give into greediness and false busy assignments and may be one day, you will understand what I couldn’t. Okay?”
“You are my hero dad!!”moved by his words, she hugged him.
“And what about me?” Mom asked.
“Ya!  I’ll consider you too”She giggled.
As we zoom out, the sound of a bomb explosion somewhere echoed in the air.

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