Are you one among those who blame yourself for everything that happens?
Of course , you might do stupid and horrible things ,in a sudden impulse, but have you felt you take up blame for more than you are actually responsible for?
Often the repercussions of what we do affect us after a long period, and the slower it occurs ,the deeper it touches.
You kind of feel ashamed and guilty all the while. You shut yourself up, even when you try not to, your subconscious drives you into something that keep those you love,at a distance.
With time, you actually lose quite a few valuable relations with your strange quirks. The apathy that slowly crawls upon ,makes it impossible to calculate the level of destruction you are doing to yourself and your loved ones.
And finally, one day you burn out. You end up alone, just like you feared. You will have everybody you need just beside you, but all of them might have found comfortable places outside the core circle. They wouldnt want to put up with that face of yours again. Even when you know, you have changed, you have survived the storm and stabilised yourself, you have won over your fears, there is no way to convince them. This world never forgives, no matter how much you do. They say they do, but they don’t.
But there is another side of this coin. You have survived what others haven’t. You have faced life in one of its scariest forms. When life went crazy, gave you meaningless , disarrayed path , you stood up and walked through. So what if you fell in some puddles and made yourself dirty? So what if you fell on others and hurt them? You did the best you could have done. Of course , when you think about it now, there might be a hundred sensible “right” ways you could have done it, but that was a different space-time plane! You were inside the maze. How are you to get an overview?
You have wronged people, but people have hurt you too. You acted weird ,but life had been weird to you. At the end, the true relations are gonna find its way back and stay. At the end , all that matters would be that you survived. At the end, it’s just gonna feel worth this.
Dont be harsh on youself.
You are the only one who knows why you are the way you are. if you can’t forgive, how will the world?